It's been a while, hasn't it? I apologize for being so busy, but at the same time, I'm not necessarily sorry. Because being that busy has taught me an awful lot. I have learned quite a lot since the last time I posted an entry here. In case you didn't know, my birthday was this month and I turned 21. Another thing you may have not realized is that my best friend Cassie and I are also the proud owners of a wellness center that will be opening up within the next couple months in our town. We will also be done with our studies within the next few months and will be officially made into Ayurvedic consultants. We still babysit, but thats not even considered a job, but truly a beautiful privilege, and we will be continuing that because we've come to the realization that we cannot be away from those precious little bundles of sunshine. They've just become too close to our hearts, and we just cannot live without them. All of these wonderful things happened during Lent. And, as it approaches the end, I decided to share with all of you what I had been working on these last 40 days.
I came to the conclusion at the beginning of Lent that it would be pointless to opt for giving up anything food wise, because after Lent is over I would only go back to eating it. I decided to put into practice something I could continue to live by. I made it a resolution. My resolution is to be happy, and think less. It's actually easier said than done. I made it a goal to not worry about things or let negative thoughts control how I feel. I made it my practice to only think about things that make me happy, and do things that make me happy. If a thought of concern or worry would enter my mind, I'd send it away.
If I experience a day where it feels like all I'm doing is worrying, then I take the day as it is and tell myself it's not real, and that I'm probably tired or lacking vitamins, or hungry. If I accept the fact that I'm creating the worries and thoughts of concern in my mind myself, then it makes it easier to send them away because I know their reason for entering my mind. Also, if I failed to upkeep my resolution for the whole day, I don't punish myself with feelings of regret or thoughts saying "you failed this Lent", I simply laugh at how silly I was for worrying, and forgive myself.
If you could forgive yourself, you could move on. I realize that that is a very difficult thing for people to do for themselves. If we apologized and other people forgave us, but we allow ourselves to still feel bad about it, then there was technically no forgiveness was there? The whole point is to forgive and let it go, no?
Heres a good example:
So&So was getting on our nerves, and we decided in our annoyance to throw a pie in their face. Shortly after, we felt bad, and apologized to So&So for doing it. They forgave us and moved on, but we continued to let ourselves think about why we did it and how mean it was to do it. We got so wrapped up in the thought of how foolish we were that we actually forgot So&So even forgave us, and continued on living our lives feeling like horrible people.
Same goes for day to day experiences. Sometimes we get tired and moody and say things we didn't mean and feel bad about it, but so long as the person we were moody towards forgives us, then we have to do our part and not only (not do it again) but also forgive ourselves. It's not healthy to keep guilt attached to the heart. Thats putting yourself through more grief than what's necessary.
So, I made that my focus. For the even the littlest of faults I beg pardon, but move on. I don't think about it anymore, and focus on being happy and avoiding weak moments. Humans are humans, we make little mistakes, we worry about things, but that is what makes us human. We aren't perfect, and not everything will always go the way we want, but we have to take each day as it is and be happy. We have to love our life no matter what, appreciate what we have everyday, and love and accept ourselves for who we are. Our only focus in life should work towards becoming better versions of ourselves, not punishing ourselves for our faults. We need to be our own inspiration and believe in ourselves. Confidence comes with acceptance and appreciation of who we are.
So, emerging from habits of overthinking and worrying, I embrace the coming Easter with a smile on my face, a clear mine, and love in my heart. What more could a human want? (: